This is the edited version of an earlier post, the bulk of which went into writing The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Narcissist. I’ve taken it offline for a few weeks, but bring it back for the wonderful comments from my dear readers.
Psychopathy and narcissism (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to be exact) are two distinct character disorders*, although they have a lot in common. They predominate among men, for one, and they share, as a main symptom, an absent or severely compromised conscience.
The complete or near complete absence of conscience is a feature of psychopathy, while narcissists often some have rudimentary components of conscience in place, albeit demonstrated mostly for public consumption.
When the two pathologies converge, as in the case of narcissistic psychopaths (a category not included in DSM), it is a bad mix — not for the narcissistic psychopath (NP), but for everyone around him.
If we want to find out whether someone possesses a conscience, we must look for its evidence — in the form of empathy, guilt, and shame — in that person’s words and, more importantly, actions:
The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Narcissist
As the above (see link) essay attempts to demonstrate, NP’s character is a combination of egotistical ruthlessness and psychic fragility, driven by spite and primitive pursuits of power and adulation; impulsive in thought, speech, and action; manipulative, vindictive, unencumbered by scruples and self-reflection or any kind of conscience-based inhibitions.
Presidential material? You be the judge.
*Personality disorders are not mental illness, but ingrained character defects that permeate every facet of a person’s life without necessarily rendering him or her incapable of daily functioning. Mental illness (psychosis) comes and goes, and, depending on the severity of its symptoms, may incapacitate a person for stretches of time. But when not symptomatic (actively psychotic), a person suffering from a mental illness can feel, think, and function quite well. Character (personality) disorder, in contrast, is a permanent pathological pattern of a person’s functioning. This is the way he is.
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Superb post.
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I agree.
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Thank you, Robert.
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Thanks, Inspired.
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I see it. You see it. Your blog readers see it.
BUT … the one for whom the description fits to a “T” will never see it. 😦
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Of course not. His existence depends on not seeing it.
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Wow! You have really given this a lot of thought, and obviously a lot of research. Excellent job, and though he is never mentioned, you appear to have described Donald Trump to a T.
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Thanks, Arch.
That was my goal, yes.
The absence of conscience (a.k.a psychopathy) is the greatest obstacle to individual and social development. It is also the stuff of evil; narcissistic psychopathy in particular is the affliction of pretty much all tyrants, big and little.
Trump’s pathology should not be dismissed as a collection of buffoonish but harmless quirks, and something to ridicule while waiting for him to go away.
He’s just getting started. Having gotten a taste of power, and astonished by the ease with which people are willing to give it to him, he is not going to quit his pursuit. And the more he’s ridiculed and thwarted, the stronger and more spiteful his motivation becomes.
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Was just reading this again and guess who came to mind? OJ Simpson. Yes?
BTW, have you read the news stories that Simpson’s former manager is now saying he knows who the killer was … and it wasn’t O.J.? This from Radar Online: “Serial killer Glen Rogers has written Simpson’s manager renewing his claims that he was actually the one who killed Nicole and Goldman!” Rogers is on death row and is out of appeals. He says he just doesn’t wanna die with O.J. getting credit for what he says he did.
Hmmmm.
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My guess is he didn’t do it but wants the credit for it any way. Probably bothers the sh*t outta him that O.J. got all that attention and no one really knows who he is, in spite of all the killin’ he’s one. Bloody psychos. What are we gonna do with ’em?
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I thought you’d never ask! 😉
I have mentioned somewhere (on Nan’s blog?) that there are two ways to deal with a psychopath:
1. find a bigger psychopath to vanquish him — an option fraught with obvious problems, not the least of which is empowering the bigger psychopath;
or
2. concerted efforts of people of conscience and good will to oppose him.
Option 2 works, slowly, but surely, and without the side effects of option 1. And as the Chicago protests demonstrated, it can be effective in the short run as well.
There is also a less discussed option 3: having select non-psychopathic individuals relocate to a new planet in a galaxy far, far away, and start Humanity 2.0.
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Yeah, OJ belongs to this special club too.
There are many more of these characters than most people realize.
We just don’t want to think that people we may know, or even live with, do not have a conscience. It is really unimaginable to most; and when faced with glaring evidence of the absence of conscience, we tend to rationalize it in various ways (he didn’t mean that; he was tired / stressed; he must have had a difficult childhood; deep down, he really cares / loves; etc. etc.)
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Where’s your follow blog by email thingy??
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John, I didn’t utilize any – to use the technical term – “follow-blog-by-email-thingy,” I just commented on one of her posts, and they came automatically. Your having asked that question will likely suffice as a comment, it you get an email that I’ve written this response, you’ll know —
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That’s follow the thread. I want “follow the blog.”
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Trump killed it to get back at Emma.
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Wouldn’t put it past him.
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Picky, picky —
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I just clicked on several of her other post titles, and got a “Following” sign at the bottom, which is a pretty good indication that I’m following them all, which would in turn, lead me to believe that I’m following her blog, yet based on the theory of ‘N + 1,’ I must conclude that that is not evidentially substantiated until I actually receive her last and final blog post.
Hope that helps —
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Yes, but that’s just a normal follow. New posts appear in your reader. I never check my reader. Ever.
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Funny. I know many people who never read. Ever. This is why Herr Trump is where he’s at today.
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I don’t have a ‘reader,’ I don’t even know what a ‘reader’ is. And yes, I’m serious. My notifications come in an email – “So and So has a new post – and the title.”
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Well, I hit that follow weeks ago and don’t get notifications.
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I hit a follow once and broke my hand. I also got sued.
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That’s better than getting Ralphed —
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Or Jimmied.
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I don’t know what to tell you, John.
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Dunno, sorry. 😦
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I think when you follow in your reader you can edit it to send the posts to your email.
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Now that just sounds confusing 😉
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Lol! It’s not cofusing at all, really. If you click the follow button it automatically adds the blog to your reader. The you go to your reader, click the manage button next to “followed sites” and it brings up a list of all the blogs you follow. There’s a search button right at the top. You can type in “good marriage central” and it will bring up this blog. Click on it and it gives you the option to turn on or off the email option for posts and comments.
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Ahhhh, I did it! I’m going to eat cheesecake now to celebrate 🙂
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Have some for me!
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Bugger off! I’m a wonderful person, until it comes to my cheesecake.
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Jeez, I’m sorry I asked. I’ll make my own cheesecake, then! Lol
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Really? I can feel a trip to the Carolina’s coming on 🙂
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Goodness, one steps away for a while to attend to her civic duties, and all sweet hell breaks loose.
Cheesecake, well, I’d never! (Really; lactose intolerant, sadly.)
So, yeah, have some for me, too. Sigh.
Glad you’ve figured that follow thingie out, by the way. I’m of no help, obviously.
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The author needs to go to her WordPress dashboard, select “appearance” and then “widgets“. This will lead to a bunch of “thingies” that can be added to the sidebar. Paging down through the widgets should reveal one that reads “Follow Blog, Add an email signup form to allow people to follow your blog“. Left click on it and drag it to where you want it on the side bar and release it there. That should do the trick.
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The author will have you know that she is as keen on widgets as she is on all the other many-legged creatures out there.
I tried. And failed. Did not see that particular widget in my many “menu” options — I guess I missed it, since everyone says it’s there. Will try again.
As I said earlier to Arch, 3/4 of the time I have no idea what WordPress does. I hope to learn it some day, but that day isn’t here yet.
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Richard! I’m thrilled you’ve found Emma. I directed her to your blog as you both share a dedication to psychopathy.
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I have likened NP’s to a black holes. They exude all this energy and in the beginning they energize objects(because that’s all other people are to them) around them then they suck the life right out of their adherents.
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That’s a good analogy, Ruth.
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I know well from my own research that the majority of psychopaths, especially the essentials, are male. Nonetheless, what you describe here sounds a lot like my wife of 24 years who recently abandoned me, cleaning out my bank account and maxing out 2 credit cards in the process.
Yet she stuck with me for 24 years through some very tough times, and some very good ones. More of the latter than the former in my opinion. Maybe a little light on the psychopathy, leaning more toward the narcissistic. Or not. I really don’t know.
Now, you’ve succeeded in dragging me back up here to WordPress, against my better judgement, and it’s taking time away from an address I’m composing for a hearing I’ve got to attend telephonically on Thursday afternoon. This is the first comment I’ve made on anything in at least a year. I hope you’re pleased with yourself! Evil temptress!
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Yes, I am extremely pleased with myself now, having lured you out of your dark lair, Richard. You need some cheerful company sometimes. (Wait. Did I say cheerful…? LOL. You may then skip to the next blog in your reader, cuz this ain’t exactly that.)
More seriously, and less cheerfully, sorry to hear about your wife. 24 years? Wow. That’s tough. Especially now. Oy vey…
Yes, of course there are female narcissists, and psychopaths, and narcissistic psychopaths, and all kinds of other pathologies as well. I’m thinking, though, that you would have known she was that some time earlier in your life together…
Then again, sometimes we are blind to what’s in front of our nose, especially in long-term relationships.
You have a lot on your plate these days.
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“…you would have known she was that some time earlier in your life together….”
It’s quite possible on the one hand to know, yet on the other, to tolerate and endure if you want to stay with your children.
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Yes, most definitely.
And not only for the children, but the myriad other considerations and ties that bind you after so many years together.
Marriage is a mysterious thing.
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It’s quite possible on the one hand to know, yet on the other, to tolerate and endure if you want to stay with your children.
It’s also quite possible that even if you realize their behavior isn’t normal unless you know anything about NPD you don’t have a name to put on it. If you don’t have a name to put on it, or know anything about what it actually is to have NPD, you rationalize the behavior away.
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Amen and amen (any possible puns unintended).
Sometimes we are most blind to what’s in front of our noses.
And often we don’t know any better. And we also get used to things, particularly if they slip under our radar because they are (seem) insignificant at first.
All that and more make for the mystery of marriage, which can be glorious but also oppressive.
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Well, especially if you are also caught up in a religious system that tells you not to keep a record of wrongs, to forgive 70×7, to turn the other cheek, and(if you’re a woman), to likewise(as in the case of a slave) return kindness toward your master when they are harsh with you.
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Yes. That whole system depends on women’s subservience. Without it, it would crumble in a week, if not sooner, leaving the bewildered narcissists at the top of its hierarchies without their narcissistic supply / whipping girls / objects on which to deflect all their sins.
It is a corrupt enterprise, through and through.
You are a strong and brave woman to escape it, and emerge stronger “on the other side.”
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Hi. Thank you for this article. We have arrived at a similar conclusion. I invite you to read my post. https://twoifbycharmwordpress.wordpress.com/. B. Ashley
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